I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize