i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
