Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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