Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
