i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
where are my eyebrows?
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