yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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