My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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