He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
