So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
