i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
