I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
