my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
