In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
