I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
