i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize