She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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