All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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