if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
