apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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