so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You made out with two different species that night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
