we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
