I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
