there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
