; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
