it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
