It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
