I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize