You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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