Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
