I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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