Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
