Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
