You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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