I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
