last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
