i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
