you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize