his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
