So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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