one might say we're banned from that church
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
