No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize