I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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