I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
