Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
