I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
