i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
