I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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