My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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