His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
