I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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