My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
try to milk me bitch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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