I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
