you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
