Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
