uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
