i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
