Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
