I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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