"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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