but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
