and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
