You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
