I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
