Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
