I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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