Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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