its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
