That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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