As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
