You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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