Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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