my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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