I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
