we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
