oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
