remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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