I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
