It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
