He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
