I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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