Don't make out with my wife yet
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
