If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
try to milk me bitch
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
