She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
