Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize