apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
