why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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