I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
