Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
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