sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
